TheJudddman 2023-09-02 22:07:04

This is a neat story. I like how it emulates military lingo by calling the civilians "Civvies".

Intrapath 2023-12-05 02:44:13

The formatting was a little surprising; I was confused at first as to why you went with text in an image, but I got the feeling shortly after that it was so you could choose a font that looks hand-written. For that angle, it could've been cool to go a little further with it; maybe smudges or a paper texture to sell the fact that it's written physically.

I kept wondering throughout the story what the backdrop could be - whether it's a nation that has existed today or in the past, what time it takes place in, or what corner of the world it could be in. The mention of "old world government" made me look twice, though. I realized after a second that it meant "old world" as in something that's old / came before, but at first, I had read it as "old *world government*", and I thought this was a global government that was collapsing, massively raising the stakes and making the rebel's efforts look more impressive. All that said, there's just enough ambiguity to keep the story afloat while letting readers form their own conclusions.

Plus, unrelated, but it was really cool to see a piece that embodied all 3 of the prompts!